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Saturday, July 22, 2006

~Alone~

Been sleeping a lot this entire week. Don't really feel happy.. have a crappy timetable where i don' have school on thus and fris. Which means an extended weekend for me and more time to waste on sleeping as usual.

I finally felt the stabbing ache in my heart after a long absence. Couldn't stop crying on friday early morning when it didn't go away. I've decided to end my friendship with Z coz I don't wanna lead him on into thinking I'll ever give him a chance. No matter what Z does, I'll never love him and I'm sorry things have to end this way. I may be cruel but anyone who tries to make me forget about the guy whom I truly love or take his place, it's IMPOSSIBLE. And you only piss me off. It wasn't a runny nose in case you were wondering. I was thinking about him again. Yes, I know he doesn't care that I'm unhappy, that I'm a fool waiting for someone who'll never reciprocrate my affections for him, it doesn't matter to me. I just want to isolate myself from everyone and everything. I'm sorry but I don't want to answer any calls or smses anymore. I don't want to talk. I don't care that my friends are concerned, I'd rather they don't so I won't feel guilty for wasting their time and effort on this person who wouldn't come to her senses. Lost and alone in a land where it's autumn all year round. Who will remember the short-lived brilliance of the maple leaves when they fall off from the trees quietly? I wish I'm dead so I can let you go, out of my memories. I miss you very much but I can't see you. I wish I can care for you like before and not live in the past. I wish I'm happy but without you, my life has lost all meaning and I find it difficult to smile anymore. I have been dreaming about you but when I wake up you are always gone like you had been three months ago..

On Pointe @)~~
10:30 AM