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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

~No answers to the questions I seek~

Don't really know what to write these days.. Had trouble sleeping last night awaking every 1 hour or so, that's why I nearly fell asleep during sociology lecture this morning. My com has a bigger problem after being sent home for a few days. Now can't even start-up Windows normally. Pa said he might be getting us a new com.

The weather seems extremely crazy this week. One moment it's pouring and the next moment the rain stops and the sun shines brightly. My mood reflects the state of the weather now. I'm still in a self-imposed autistic mood where I don't want to converse with any one. It's kind of draining to talk to any one these days. Having to think of what to say when you don't want to talk in the first place sucks.

Seems so pointless the whole drudgery of the routine of daily life. I managed to complete reading 3 magazines yesterday and I'm left with a last bridal magazine. I like looking at the gorgeous wedding gowns. I've decided my dream gown would be one with embroidery and lace which could come up to a high cost. Maybe it won't be a pure white gown which can be kind of boring since everyone wears white all the time. Even if I'm not getting married in future, thought I should just take some pictures and get a dress to keep for vanity sake.

Went to have my brows plucked yesterday at Far East Plaza and met the guy Alika who helped me pluck my brows and cut my hair regularly like 3 years ago. I sort of forgotten his name and he told me that he has shifted to a new working place. My long-term memory is getting worse and it takes more time to retrieve memories from the past. On reaching my home bus stop, I met Natalie and Kevin. They should be together for about 2 years + if I'm not wrong. Envious of their loving relationship, they are a cute couple. ") Hadn't seen these people for like years and it's kind of comforting to see that they are doing well.

Been feeling quite lonely but I don't want any company because of the immense pressure to speak or say something. If only someone would just sit beside me and I don't have to say anything to him or her yet I can feel very comfortable and at ease with the silence between us, would that be possible?

Read my email and saw one stupid one from him. Asking if I laugh with him or laugh at him more often some random question from tickle. Sibei boliow he should know the answer. Anyway, kind of coincidental that bro and a few others saw him on sun with the girl and Jason. I'm sort of relieved I wasn't there. I wouldn't know how I would react to that situation. Maybe slap him or start laughing or turn to walk away. I hope I can get him out of my mind forever. I'm tired and sick of the on-off crying shit. I wish I can hate him for being fickle just so I can forget about him and that I was never unhappy or miserable. I'm dumb to allow you to manipulate how I should feel, whether I'm happy, sad or anything...

On Pointe @)~~
12:19 PM