There is no finishing line to perfection <33

Thursday, August 10, 2006

~Good Times.. Bad Times?~

On Mon night, watched The Fast and The Furious Toyko Drift again with Z. Great movies are worth watching twice. I guessed i really pissed him off big time while we were talking over the phone when we got home. Z: Don't worry I won't ever disturb you again. And he hung up the phone. It was the last straw for him. I truly just wanted him to give up on me. He was too persistent too. Insisting either I give him a chance or we'll have no relations at all, even as friends. He left me with no choice. I tink he would be a good friend but if he wanted to push me so far, all I can do is to hurt him now and make him give up on me forever. I felt as if I was playing a game, manipulating his feelings, making him feel terrible. He mentioned that I was something, being able to make him miserable even without being in a relationship together. Why have I become like this? Treating love as if it was a game? Breaking others' hearts intentionally. I never liked others doing that to me and nowI'm doing this just to revel in the sadistic pleasure it brings. Is it just to get back at someone who doesn't give a damn? Or to get back at men in general? I will not be naive anymore. I don't believe in love. It's the idealistic notion of dreamers which has no value in this practical world. If guys love to play this game, I don't just wanna get even, I wanna let them suffer the pain they inflict on girls many times over. The bullshit about a relationship, they are nothing but a pack of lies to pull the wool over people's eyes. It's nothing but a trap set up by men for women to fall into. Words of a men-hater, maybe.

On Tuesday night, I helped Robin to do up his resume and sent it to Iris by email for some editing work. Anyway, Robin addresses me as Bro now. I mean to outsiders it may seem wierd but I feel at ease. I've always felt like a guy and being considered a brother, it's like belonging to the brotherhood. Sharing an identity with others, no longer alienated and outcasted.

On Wednesday early morning, on msn Alan sent me a song out of the blue. Finally, he suddenly became concerned telling me not to sleep too late before saying goodnight and logging out. Are we now supposed to be "good friends" since he broke the ice? No feelings of love left, no hatred. Just resignation to fate. I want to laugh at the irony of it all. He tortured me without resorting to physical mistreatment and now another person is doing that to him. Isn't it vexing to love someone who won't reciprocrate your feelings? Who doesn't give a fuck whether you are dead or alive. What comes round goes around. Isn't it cruel of fate to play this game on people?

Being an unpatriotic Singaporean on National Day, I went JB with D. It was a mind-blowing experience. Nah, to all you dirty-minded fellows, it was just an enjoyable day of watching movies at City Square and then staying overnight for a sleep before heading home this afternoon. Got to watch The Lake House and The Break Up. It's Movies Day every Wed in JB. So it's only RM 6 and just take note couple seats cost an extra RM 1. The Break Up hasn't been screened in Singapore yet but the show was rather meaningful. It's a comedy with a somewhat sad ending. You see a couple quarreling and squabbling over the most trivial matters and blowing matters out of proportion. *Spoiler alert* It's not your happily ever after ending. The title of the show says it all. Get your hankies and tissues ready. On the other hand, The Lake House is a sad drama with a happy ending. Both shows yours truly couldn't control her tears at some scenes. D was there to lend a shoulder and put a hand around my shoulder. D asked me if I wanna have a relationship with him but I didn't agree because I couldn't commit. But we agreed to stay as good friends who share mutual "more than friends' feelings" for each other.

Next week, I'm gonna catch 2 foreign films Sophie Scholl and The Beat that my Heart Skipped. Wanna watch Hard Candy but no company yet. Just got informed by Steph that we gonna prepare tutorials 2-5 readings for tutorial 2 for Sociology. The tutor's nuts man. have to spend the weekend reading lots of material. Tomorrow have to start my Ultimate fasting plan for a week to rid myself of 5 kg. Been postponing this too long due to a sweet tooth and greedy stomach and I'm having trouble standing on my toes again. Quite worried coz I MUST pass my ballet exam. There's a lot of things I gonna do. Read my Health Psychology textbook, research on Human Resource management essay and Sociology stuff. Missed two weeks of business modules and I have no idea what the hell is going on. I better buck up and attend school regularly instead of fooling around and having fun.

On Pointe @)~~

4:16 PM