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Saturday, August 12, 2006

~How do you force yourself to smile when there's nothing which can make you laugh?~

What is the value of a life without happiness? A big fat zero. Worthless, meaningless and purposeless. Why is it in the company of friends you may not feel any comfort even though you are supposed to enjoy the time with them? How can you see clearly through a thick cloud of fog which is impossible? What if you are not sad but you find it difficult to derive any enthusiasm in this life you are forced to live? Dreading to face another day as it arrives, only to stand there haplessly viewing the events of life passing you by like a train. This cannot be a depressed mood for you no longer feel down yet you wish you are dead. I wish someone can tell me the answer to what I'm looking for but I doubt anyone has an inkling of what's happening. Maybe I'm not really looking for anything. I've given up on hope long ago, it's as if it no longer exists in this bleak world. How do one find enough courage to end his life? I admire people who have this courage. They have turned their back on this world which has no place for them to stay on. I hate myself, my life and what I'm feeling. I was never meant to be here perhaps. Maybe everything which happened is a sign to just surrender and give up.

On Pointe @)~~
5:46 AM