There is no finishing line to perfection <33

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

~Infidelity fr a web article~

Why Men and Women Cheat
Infidelity is one of the most wrenching experiences a couple can endure. It can destroy families, crush spirits, and break quite a few plates. It causes pain not just to the betrayed, but usually to the cheater as well. So why do people do it? Experts say that the reasons fall into two main categories. The first has to do with the relationship -- there's either an emotional disconnect or the couple's sex life isn't satisfying to one partner. The second reason has nothing to do with the couple. Rather, one partner simply wants the excitement of an affair, needs an ego boost, or just feels entitled to have more than one sexual partner. Sometimes, you find someone who has a good sexual relationship with his or her partner and yet has an affair because sex is so important to them that they look for it wherever they can.

How Men and Women Differ
In general, men are more likely to cheat for more superficial reasons, like the need for excitement, while women are more likely to stray if there is serious trouble in the marriage. Cheating in the past and now also differs as the traditional male affair that was primarily sexual is changing because more men are having more emotional affairs (meaning their feelings for the "other woman" go beyond just sexual) with coworkers. Meanwhile, women are having more sexual affairs. One reason: Women now feel more entitled to enjoy their sexuality, so if sex with their husband isn't satisfying they are more likely to look elsewhere than their mothers and grandmothers would have been. Another trend: With more men and women working together side-by-side, as peers, there's an opportunity for deep emotional connections that didn't exist in previous generations. "You always had the boss who ran off with his secretary, but now I see many men who are in good marriages and are not traditional philanderers who form these deep friendships," she says. "They cross these lines and become more emotionally intimate than they are in their marriage. If there's some sexual attraction and chemistry, that's all you need for an affair." (quoted from an article I chanced upon) Although affairs can and do happen to "good" marriages, in general an affair is a signal that something is awry in the relationship. There are some cases when someone is just having sex with different people out of a need for variety, but most people really think before they go off in that direction. If you have a good relationship, you're less likely to jeopardize it.
Flings vs. Long-Term Affairs
A one-night stand or a fling is significantly different from a long-term affair. Many flings are essentially experimental. Someone finds something missing in their relationship and checks out what it's like to be with someone else. It turns out to be not-so-great, and they end it. Surprisingly, if no one finds out, often no harm is done. A long-time affair is a sign of a deeper rift -- it's more likely to be found out, and it's more likely to cause more damage to the relationship when it is found out. To Confess or Not to Confess? Which brings us to another point: Should you confess? In general, it's best to be honest, but experts agree that there are circumstances when a spouse can spare his or her partner that information. "If a spouse has been suspicious and confronts him, he should confess," says Glass. "But if the spouse has no idea, and the betrayer takes responsibility for working it out on his own, he sometimes doesn't have to cause that kind of chaos," says Glass But once a confession is made, Glass says, absolute full disclosure is essential, and the cheater should own up to all affairs that have occurred during the relationship.
Cheating While Dating
We're stressing marriage here, but cheating also happens within unmarried relationships. Is it the same? If there was no implicit promise of exclusivity, there's no violation??! What do u think? But if dating is exclusive and there's a sense of moving toward a commitment, then it can be as big a betrayal as cheating during marriage. The problem, of course, is that many unmarried couples don't ever sit down and declare a relationship exclusive, or not. And that omission can be the cause of serious pain. Infidelity can have just as devastating an effect when one person thinks they are committed and one doesn't.
An affair in a dating relationship is also more likely to be the beginning of the end. "Some people cheat as a way of leaving a relationship. They set up the next relationship before they leave the last," says Barbach. "That's different from the person who cheats while maintaining the dating relationship -- this person is much more likely to cheat during marriage."

So this looks as if I shld thank my lucky stars?

On Pointe @)~~

2:12 AM