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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

~Pining to see you again, to feel your touch, to hear your voice~

I miss you so much that I know you'll never leave my thoughts for every single day of my life so long as I'm still alive. I thought I was happy but there is always that part of me that yearns to be close to you, to tell you how much you mean to me. I can live without you but it hasn't been easy at all. I have to convince myself not to call or sms you every single day even though I'm so tempted to. I live in the hope that we'll be together again but I know this lack of contact and communication between us may mean that this will never come true. I really wish I can do something about it but I'm afraid you may take me to be a substitute for the girl you love. I'm not so big-hearted coz I'm scared that you'll hurt me again. I'm so flawed and imperfect in your eyes and I admit it. I've never been a saint and I know no matter how hard I try, I'll never be as good as you want me to be. You know that I'll give in to you in everything and I can't bear to see you unhappy even if it means I'll be miserable. If my unhappiness can exchange for your happiness I accept it grudgingly. Not a grudge against you but that against fate.

I know I'm silly waiting for your call or sms as my birthday approaches in another 3 months and I really hope you'll ask me out. I can't control my tears as I'm typing this. I know I'm selfish in having that desire to have you all for myself but I can't do that. I'll do anything just so to be with you again but if you don't love me, it's meaningless. I fear the day when you get married and the bride is someone else. I don't know what I'll do or how I'll feel when that happens. I don't comprehend the madness of it all: Why I am so obsessed over you? Why can't I let you go out of my mind and I'm still hanging on to something I can neither touch nor be in contact with. If only you will care for me as before and we start anew, will we be happy then? How do I stop loving you when I don't want this to stop? Everything is just my imagination. The happily ever after ending which I seek in my dreams with you. Am I just a passerby in your life only for a short moment just a short story for you to recall as you look back in your life as you get older? I will never forget how you hold me tightly in your arms and listening to your heartbeat as I pressed my ear against your chest. I still remember the way your eyes speak the truth as your mouth says something else. If you think I was unhappy with you when i was with you, the truth is I wasn't. I can never get angry or unhappy with you. It's your aloofness and coldness which alienates me which doesn't allow me to get closer to you and that is painful to bear. To be physically close to you yet your heart is miles away... nevertheless through it all, I still love you. I wonder how you are doing. Now that you have deleted your blog I no longer know how you are getting on and all I see is your busy status online on msn and I dare not talk to you. I don't want you to feel pressured knowing that I'm not over you.

On Pointe @)~~
3:07 PM