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Sunday, August 06, 2006

~Stunned~

On a late sat night, a phone call which lasted for 1 hr plus...
D: Ask you something. Have you ever liked me more than a friend?
Me: Erm.. Let me ask you back. You ever liked me more than a friend?
D: You answer my question first. I ask you first one lay.
Me: Haha I'll only answer if you answer.
D. Ok, yes.
Me: Yup. But we were both unavailable and in a situation we couldn't do anything.
----
D: I suggest something: Shall we have a trial of a relationship? It's like a preview.
Me: Haha,there's such a thing?
D: It's something I've never done before.
Me: Hmm, but you know I'm not into a relationship right now. It's taking a backseat for now.
D: Since we both like each other and we are both single now, if it happens, it happens. You know what I mean?
Me: Erm, ok.
D: You are not going to stop it if it happens right?
Me: Hmm, err.. Ok.

I sound like an idiot. Damn. What the hell was I saying? But I'm too afraid to do anything. I don't wanna move ahead. Gee, like a 15 year old who's having a crush on someone for some time yet contented to stay this way. Admiring the person from afar. Even knowing that the crush has given a clear hint, she doesn't want to try anymore. Just too scared to have her heart broken. Again. It's been broken too many a times it no longer want to undergo this stress ever. Too painful to go through another round of disappointment.

On another hand, there's someone whom I can never forget or let go. But he doesn't have any feelings left for me. Best to remain this status quo. Don't ever give any one a chance to break my heart again. At least, I'll never have to deal with loss when I never possessed something in the first place. There's no risk of failure if I never try. Maybe I'll end up regretting my decision now but I don't want to fail. I just can't afford to.

Just now, checked my results. I managed to pass my Behaviour in Organisations module. Gee, my 3rd pass for this course. Luckily the passes are all for the electives. i find the electives tougher than the core subjects. And I'm always praying I get a pass for these particular electives. The anxiety while awaiting the results is nuts. But when your attendance doesn't exceed 50%, the times when you are attending lessons you are in la la land, you procrastinate on your assignments such that you submit late work as a norm, you read the lecture notes only on the day of exam and not read a single page of the damn textbook, it's playing with fire and hoping not to get burnt. Results for the core module Psychometrics are pending. Hope I'll be able to get the grade I hope for.

On Pointe @)~~
4:34 AM