There is no finishing line to perfection <33

Saturday, August 05, 2006

~Zen-like peace at last~

I must thank Robin. When you see someone who's worse off than you, you start asking yourself why do you feel sorry for yourself. You start appreciating the things that you possess which have been in front of you all along but you choose not to see. I suppose I now enjoy the freedom that independence brings, learning to be at ease with being individualistic and more self-centred. I have more choices and options on what I wanna do each day and I don't have the mood to dwell on unhappy stuff.

A person doesn't need a significant other to make a whole. Ever wonder why people start losing their self identity when they are attached? Everything starts with "He", " She" or "We". If I can maintain this composure for a long time, I would seriously consider being a nun. To disengage from this material world and enjoy a quiet peaceful existence, this is a very attractive option indeed. Letting go of all desires and emotions will bring out inner calmness.

I'm in a neutral state of mind where I won't get fazed by anything. It doesn't feel like the usual me, which is where I'm my cheerful, jovial self or depressed, melancholic self yet I'm embracing this part which I never knew I had before. Finally, I'm able to snap out of doom and gloom I've imposed upon myself.

Today, I caught the movie The Fast and The Furious Tokyo Drift with Meph and his two friends, Jane and Wen Guang. The show was fabulous and I loved those scenes where they got a whole lot of Japanese babes to parade in the skimpiest pieces of clothing. This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "less is more". I'm starting to get confused about my sexual orientation again like in secondary school. :p Actually, I do know I'm bisexual but I never entertained the idea of being in a relationship with another female in the past. But now, I'm comfortable with this idea. That is I would like a pretty girl to be my partner and she has to be feminine as well. This seems more like a fantasy. Geez. This would most probably take place in the far future when I decide that a little company would be beneficial. There's a possibility I choose to be in my current status indefinitely but you never know what the future holds. I don't know why I longer exhibit any interest in guys yet I seem drawn solely to girls now. That doesn't mean I'm going to hit on my girl friends. I'm just contented to remain a closet lesbian.

Love? I used to think i can't live without it. But I'm still alive and I feel like I'm back to being this little girl again when she was carefree and had no woes. There's nothing in this world which one can do without whether it's a person or thing. Because there has never been a forever in our lives. Eveything has a shelf-life or lifespan and we have to cope without them eventually. It boils down to depending on oneself to lead a fulfilling life. Never pin happiness on a person or thing coz once you lose him or it you lose your happiness as well. One is responsible for his own life but i think fighting for one's own happiness is too contrived and cheesy. Nature will take its own course and eventually, there will be a day when one will reap the rewards without going through all the pain and hardship. Some things just can't be forced and in the end don't one just want to leave this world or life peacefully without regretting that he has made so many foolish mistakes and taking things too hard?

On Pointe @)~~

1:02 AM