There is no finishing line to perfection <33

Saturday, January 20, 2007

~What's Your Romantic Pattern?~

Romantic Rescue is your Romantic Pattern

Love is all-powerful in the Romantic Rescue pattern. It is the catalyst for change within yourself as well as the means through which you discover if your partner is who you want and need them to be.But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: A desire to save your partner from his own self-destruction, or the desire to be saved by someone for the same reason.Some people adopt the hero role in this pattern — nursing an ailing partner back to health, saving them from a string of previously destructive relationships, maybe even saving them from a physical danger. Others cast themselves as those in need of rescue — relying on their partners to swoop in and save them from whatever ill-fate's been visited upon them, either real or imagined.It also sets up one of the parties as a savior. Though perhaps not as epic as seen in the characters in novels or films, this is significant nonetheless. In Hemmingway's tragic love story, "Farewell to Arms," an injured soldier is nurtured back to health and into a blissful romance by a kindly nurse. Not long after, she's the one at death's door. In "Run Lola Run," a woman has twenty minutes to come up with a large amount of money to save her boyfriend's life. How far she goes to obtain it is a measure of her devotion or delusion.If someone is willing to care for a loved one in times of adversity, they've already demonstrated a strong level of commitment, as well as proof that they can carry you through the tough times. They have also inspired in you a confidence that you will not only be willing to, but looking to switch roles when the need arises. There is a distinct comfort in this.So how exactly did you get here? Many people who share this pattern with you have experienced some loss in their life. Did you help take care of family members when you were young? Did you need more attention and care than your parents were able to provide? You tend to repeat your childhood roles in your adult relationships, whether you're aware of it or not. Someone who was a caregiver early in life, may continue to be so in romantic relationships. A person who needed more attention from parents, may automatically provide others with the care they wished they had received.Being needed is a basic human desire. Being able to depend on one another is what gives relationships meaning, so it's no wonder that this romantic pattern is so powerful. Evidence of your archetypal story is all around you — in history, books, and movies. In the classic fairytale "Beauty in the Beast," a woman brings out the softer side of a grumpy monster. She sees beyond his gruff exterior and gains his love in return. In "Breaking the Waves," Emily Watson plays a woman who makes the ultimate sacrifice to have her husband. He comes to regard her as a saint. Your pattern is being told and retold because it resonates with so many people.

What your romantic pattern says about you and your relationships
You look for love and find it in the strangest of places. Do your romances tend to begin with a major drama, or a jarring event. A major historic event, a layoff at the office, a crisis you need to solve? Do you often date people while they're in a transition period of their life? It is very common to feel especially appreciated if you feel you've "earned" it by helping another person in some way? For some people, this romantic pattern helps cover up an insecurity that they are otherwise not good enough for their partner. That they might not have been noticed except for their role as caregiver. The romantic pattern that dominates you is driven by a need to be needed. Perhaps you believe that if you're there for someone else, they'll be there for you. If you felt neglected early in life, you may be making up for it by giving others the attention you were denied. How this plays out in your relationships varies with your situation. If you're a doctor, you may fantasize that your patients fall in love with you after you've saved their lives. A professor might develop a crush while tutoring a struggling student. A recently sober person may be drawn to someone who's not yet cleaned up. You are a take-charge kind of person. Problems exist so you can fix them, and you tend to seek out projects. Were you the peacemaker in your family? Perhaps you were strapped with a lot of responsibilities at an early age. Do you tend to put others' well being before your own? You might volunteer or give money to good causes. You are likely a great friend, always listening and offering good advice. Your self-confidence stems from you ability to make others happy and provide for their needs. Although this romantic pattern tends to be categorized as "codependent," it can be mutually beneficial. Diamonds in the rough do exist, and if anyone's to uncover them, it'll be you. You find the good in people that others may overlook. You have a way with drawing out people's best sides. They are inclined to respond to your kindness with warmth and generosity. Your romantic pattern isn't just about saving someone, it's about being saved yourself. In helping another, you can ask for help in return. Always remember, your romantic pattern is just an outline. You can follow it if you like, or scrap it and take your love life in a new direction. Understanding your pattern and the role it plays in your life is the first step in determining what's right for you.

How to avoid common mistakes
You tend to see the good in people. It's an endearing trait, but it also can get you into trouble. If you want to have healthy relationships, potential should not be mistaken for reality. Just because a person can be good, doesn't mean they will become so under normal, not extraordinary, situations. If you refuse to see people, flaws and all, you may be putting yourself in a position to be taken advantage of. Check yourself. Are you being honest with yourself? Are you trusting your gut instincts, which will tell you to avoid a bad situation? Nobody should allow you to be a martyr. Any person who does not appreciate your eagerness to help is not a good partner for you. Take a closer look at why you want to help, or be saved, by someone. Do you genuinely want to offer a hand, or are you hoping your generosity will win this person over? Although you're confident in your ability to help, you may need to realize that affection doesn't have to be earned. It, like support and friendship, should be freely given. As for wanting someone to save you, can you identify more specifically, what it is you wish were different about your life? If you do that, you may realize that you can make some positive changes yourself rather than depend on someone else to elevate your confidence that these changes can be made. Don't wait for someone to help you just because you fear you might not be able to make the change yourself.

How to recognize someone who's healthy for you
A charismatic leader who shares your passion for lost causes. An old soul with a rough past, who's turned out stronger and wiser for it. The talented professional who's devoted to helping others even though it means making less money. A nurturing friend turned significant other who appreciates your generosity and is always prompt to respond in kind. A healthy relationship for you is one in which you are able to have the pleasure of giving, but also to receive. On some level, this person is probably like you, caring and sensitive to others, warm and generous, passionate and deep. You may volunteer together for causes you both care about, march in political rallies, or take turns surprising one another with gifts and other gestures. He surprises you with dinner after a hard day at work. She helps out with house repairs that you're not able to do. If you come from a difficult family background, you may naturally be attracted to someone with a similar history. You understand one another and how to make each others' lives better. But don't be thrown off by opposites either. As long as you recognize the motivation behind both of your actions, you can find Romantic Rescue in plenty of people - provided that are above all, sincere, and don't feel obligated to play a role in this romance. If the relationship begins on unequal footing, the person showed clear signs of improvement before you became involved. Your generosity, on the other hand, arose out of a sincere desire to help out, not simply as a means of getting attention. You give, expecting nothing in return. At the same time, you have your limits. You're not about to be taken advantage of. Your romance is founded on mutual respect. You appreciate each others' strength, confidence, and problem-solving abilities. Understanding your romantic pattern will provide you with a tool to make healthy decisions about whom to date and who to let go of. As with everything else in life, you are the one ultimately in control of your romantic destiny. No matter how you choose to integrate it into your life, your romantic pattern will lead you down many fascinating paths.

The Other Romantic Patterns and How They Affect Us
Now you know how your romantic pattern has played out in your life. But, at some point, you may be affected by another pattern. That's because the elements of these patterns are universal and traits of one pattern are not always so far from the characteristics of another. As circumstances surrounding your relationships change, you may start to see shades of the other patterns bleed into your life. With that in mind, here they are, ranked in order of how influential they currently are to you. Once you understand them, you can recognize their hold on you, and make a conscious decision to stick with them, or break away.

Second Chances
The Second Chances pattern is rooted in nostalgia — whether you're longing for the ex you haven't seen in a year, or are reminiscing about the crush you never connected with 10 years ago. But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: A longing to recapture someone or something that can reconnect you to a time in your life when love was a larger focus.Whether you do it consciously or not, most people who migrate towards the Second Chances pattern either want to revise a past decision, confront someone they couldn't at the time, or revert back to a specific point in time.You scored an 8 on the Second Chances story:

Love vs. Honor
Love vs. Honor is the most dramatic pattern of all — defined by an innate tug of war between what you want to do and what you think you should do.But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: There is something coming between you and love.Perhaps it's a religious conviction, a previous commitment, family, patriotic duty, or deep belief that good things only come at a terrible price.You tend to put others' needs before your own. Romance is not your number one priority, though in the back of your mind you are holding out for a soul mate. You scored an 8 on the Love vs. Honor story:

Love Conquers All
At its core, the romantic pattern called Love Conquers All, is romantic, triumphant, and full of courage to face yourself with honesty.But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: A tug of war between the desire for the love of your life, and a fear of commitment.You may also find that challenges come from family and society — even yourself. Do loved ones disapprove of your partner, raise concerns you hadn't previously cared that much about?Turning points may also stem from previous obligations at work, or in promises you've made to others. Do you reschedule or delay plans with your partner because you feel the need to honor responsibilities at the office? Do you prioritize taking care of a friend in need over the needs of your mate?Ambition to be loyal to loved ones, move ahead at work, improve your home, see the world — these are all good things. But sometimes, they take precedence over your love life — whether you are conscious of it or not. You scored a 7 on the Love Conquers All story:

The Mentor and the Protégé
The Mentor and the Protégé is a romantic pattern that's about more than love for love's sake. In it, love grows out of deeper need to learn and understand other aspects of your life through the teachings of someone else.But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: Love isn't the only thing you're after.You want power, success, attention, maybe even fame. You want to be recognized, doted on, and adored for your talents. And the object of your desire is the person best suited to provide you with these things — a boss, a mentor, a teacher, or a troubled genius.Similarly, the object of your affection can take the place of an absent parent or role model, providing security and nurturance. Whatever the reason, you're likely to feel a boost to your self-image when you're with this person. You scored a 7 on the The Mentor and the Protégé story:

Rags to Riches
Cinderella is the archetype of your Rags to Riches pattern, a story that's been retold throughout history in books, movies, poems, and songs. For you, love is more important than expectations, stereotypes and what other people think is good for you. Ah, the American Dream of self-determination. It's the stuff from which true fairytales are made.But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: Feeling the need to get your due.Have you or your partner been discriminated against? Have people done their best to keep you apart? People with the strength of character to pursue their loves despite obstacles and adversity often find themselves in this pattern. You scored a 5 on the Rags to Riches story:

Loving Too Much
The Loving Too Much pattern stems from your overflowing love and hope. However, it can be muddied by misguided feelings, expectations and sometimes, an unrequited desire.But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: You're most attracted to people who are usually just out of reach.These people are all the more alluring for it — like those early crushes on teen idols. The less available your partner is, both emotionally and physically, the more desirable they become.You daydream, and your imagination fills in the details that reality hasn't provided. Do you ever seek out indirect contact with this person, visiting his workplace or getting to know his friends? Do you find yourself dreaming about marriage after a second date, or perhaps after a quick affair?You scored a 4 on the Loving Too Much story:

Establishing Independence
The Establishing Independence pattern that grips you begins with desire — not only for someone different, but for exciting life changes as well.But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: You are looking for a shift in the types of people you pursue and how you define yourself relative to other people.These transformations can come in the package of another person — perhaps a soul mate — but more likely someone you've selected because they're different from the people or partners you are accustomed to.You scored a 2 on the Establishing Independence story

On Pointe @)~~

2:41 AM