There is no finishing line to perfection <33

Saturday, September 29, 2007

~Where did the heart go?~

There have been some little things which happen in the past 6 weeks some funny, some plain weird, but this has always been life's little surprises which make things interesting isn't it?

Won some Bioessence hamper which came in handy again coz I was really pissed when i found my firming cream missing after using it twice. Will be collecting it on Mon when I will also be going for my spa session called Glow Lift Body Treatment (sounded more appealing than facial or some herbal wrap which I can choose from too) which I won too. Then won another anti-wrinkle Garnier hamper which consisted of facial foam, eye-firming cream and a day cream moisturiser. Was wondering if winning these sort of stuff is some sort of indicator that I'm growing older? But I suppose every single day as we are breathing and living we are inching towards death just like the process is ignited once we are born.

I received this pre-approved American Express application for a Platinum card. It was really crazy when I saw the terms and conditions to apply for one. You need to earn $50, 000 per annum and the annual membership fee is $300 per annum. Mad sia. i think even after being in my job for 5 years I'm not sure if I can hit the required $4200 per month in my salary to apply for this card.

Time passes so quicky and it was just like a while ago the graduation ceremony on the 14th Sep was over. My parents were like pretty excited about the whole thing but somehow all the pics I took with mum had either a forced smile or a straight face. But it was ok. Was happy to see my JCU schoolmates after some time. The catered food was good too which was kinda unexpected but I had only a little of it as I was kinda tired and not that hungry. After everything was over I went home to sleep.

Went to rebond my hair again and cut a fringe plus added highlights (red, ash, blue but the color turned out to be mostly brown)and I was amazed at the remarks I had. While the girls were quite in favour of the change the guys tended to have mixed reactions. The positive comments ranged from "look like Cleopatra" and "a refreshing young look" while examples of negative comments include "weird fringe" or "lianish higlights". In any case, guess what? I don't give a fuck whether you like or don't like my hair. It's mine and i'm the one living with it. And if you like to pass negative comments, once is enough. This is my physical appearance and unless you look much better than I do or have a personal hairstylist keep your stupid teasing to yourself. Personally, I like having changes to my hair and this is just me.

Some friends have been pretty concerned about how I'm leading my life and pardon me if I seem annoyed if I get yet another "Have you gotten a job yet?" That explains why I'd rather not talk or converse with anyone when they keep trying to glean such details and go on and on about it. I already have my parents breathing down my neck on this issue so I don't need additional pressure from you guys unless you are going to provide me with a job or something. I know what I'm doing and I don't need to be lectured like a little kid by my peers. And ultimately I'm the one who is going to be working and I don't just want to rush and do something I do not like and risk not even getting my first month pay just because I don't want to stay on it. Once again, this is my life and I'm the manager, tyrant, dictator.

I know I can be pretty weird at times and seriously the only things I wanna do with friends are just do things together. I don't mind hearing my friends talk about problems and all but I prefer singing karaoke, taking walks, watching movies basically anything which let me chill out and not engage in serious conversation. I enjoy being an airhead now or more appropriately it's more I can't stand whining anymore (in myself or in others) and I don't really fancy talking as much as I used to. Maybe friends can't get used to this new change but I believe my true friends will be the ones who accept me the way I am even if they are uncomfortable with it. I realise that I no longer try to connect with people as often as before and this is deliberate. I just need some me time to recharge my batteries. All that socialising, sharing and talking drain me sometimes. Plus I don't wanna waste my time on people whom i no longer want to be in touch with coz of reasons such as I really don't see why I should especially when they are toxic to me (ie only come to me when got dai ji, done something which have hurt me before, manipulative), they belong to the past and my present life don't have space for them to be in it, I just don't feel like it (this reason is lame I admit). I don't fancy having anyone trying to control my life and I don't have to answer to people for my actions unless I have done something really heinous or horrible. So enough of the bullshit "why never answer my calls or sms?" or expect me to be available 24 hours in a day. I just hate reporting and if I want to I will tell you without prompting.

I have become more cold and unfeeling but actually I deem it as being more rational and taking control of my life. And in fact I love myself better. I have higher self-esteem, am more independent and I no longer hold a pessimistic attitude. It's like everything to me has a solution and things aren't going to get better just coz you are feeling sorry for yourself. If things don't go my way I will just try to find the most appropriate solution to solve the problem rather than mope and cry. Just get off your butt and do the things you should do and your life would be easier to lead rather than lamenting how god is unfair and all. In fact, it has always the case the world is never fair. So do something about it or live with it and continue to complain about things you think you can't change. It's obvious which is the better choice.

On Pointe @)~~

7:20 AM