There is no finishing line to perfection <33

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

~The Death of Innocence~

Beth, a sweet and charming girl of 16. She wasn't pretty pretty rather the kawaii type with gorgeous big eyes. What she didn't expect was to fall in love with a serial playboy Jeff who had a penchant for treating his gfs like trophies. Girls were playthings in his eyes. He loved to compare which girl was prettier and he was always sourcing for a new girl. He had a habit of cheating on his gfs behind their backs. Most of all, he lapped up the attention especially when his friends commented on how beautiful his gf or target was.

Jeff wasn't handsome. Probably attracted girls as he had a bad boy look and he was quite tall. A 6 footer. Most glaring character flaw: A narcissist. Thought he was extremely good-looking coz people would praise him. What he had was great dress sense and height. Without both he would be just another ordinary mortal and not a ladies man.

When Jeff met Beth, he was torn between his ex Sue and her. Sharing many wonderful memories with Sue he wasn't sure if he should relive them again especially when it was all in the past. And much as he liked to fool behind her back he was incensed when he discovered Sue had been messaging his friend for an entire day while he was on a one day JB trip with his family. Thing was he wasn't sure what was the contents except only seeing Sue's name in his friend's messaging inbox. Jeff's friends cajoled him into choosing Beth over Sue. Being the sort who was easily influenced, he decided to go ahead with Beth. After all, a new person would be another experience isn't it? Despite having little feelings for Beth compared to Sue, he made his choice.

20 months together. He felt little love for her. Especially when they broke up and patched a few times during this period. She cutting her wrists whenever the topic of breaking up was broached. Him frustrated at her emotional outbursts, her possessiveness. He didn't like that she was not as pretty as his previous girlfriends and it was worse hearing his friends say that. He started giving her an attitude that only a foolish girl would endure. She couldn't tolerate his infidelity but she would rather hang on to him for she believed he was her one and only. Like what naive girls would do she made love with the guy she loved and she became with child. He suggested abortion as they had trouble supporting themselves since they were both schooling.

Eventually the end came. All that was left is a girl who was broken. Nobody ever died of a broken heart but it hurts so much it feels worse than death. She didn't want to forget. Going to clubs dirty dancing with guys who were strangers. Her behavior was gossiped about and her reputation was getting bad but she couldn't get the attention from the guy she loved. It was a fruitless battle destined to be lost from the very beginning yet she wanted to carry on. Constantly trying to acquire news of his wellbeing, whereabouts and whether he had a new gf, she was lost in her obsession. On the other hand, he laid no importance on her existence and every time any mention was made of her, he would say he doesn't give a hoot about her and not to mention her at all.

~~~

She had been communicating with him over msn after getting to know him on a dating website. Surreal. Love at first sight. With a beautiful stranger she did not know. Her heart melted when she saw him. Indeed he was gorgeous but her attraction to him wasn't because of that. It felt as if they shared an affinity perhaps in a past life. They spoke very little. The silence wasn't deafening. It was calming and filled with unspoken conversations which they expressed using their eyes and ears. He held her hand. The warmth from his hand was assuring.

They took a long walk before they came to a pasar malam which saw many stalls closed. Muah chee! Her favourite. She spotted it and went over to the stall but somehow she changed her mind about getting it. He: Let's go to my car shall we? As they walked across the field she tripped. Suddenly. With mud all over her face. A realisation came over her. We can never be together. There's someone who loves her waiting for her to go home. She doesn't love him but she had to repay his kindness. Her heart sank. While these thoughts ran through her mind, he carried her in his arms, oblivious to the inner turmoil she was experiencing. She gazed at him, wondering how to tell him that they could never be together. If only she had the courage to pursue her true love...

****
Lately been doing all the things I enjoy. Been watching all the movies I wanted. Planet Terror, Night Watch, Joshua, The Brave One, Resident Evil and Shoot 'em Up. Sang karaoke with Daniel on Mon. Explored the new club Plush! at the former Velvet Dragon with Joseph last Sat.

Backtrack. Last Thu went for Pfitzer screening for health volunteers in their clinical trial. Received a call today and I found out I was the only female participant who was accepted as the other females had problems with the blood test results. It was really boring: 2 hours of listening to the briefing which was already given in the notes they gave us. The lady went through every item and word in the 14 page booklet. The next 1.5 hours was spent doing the urine test, ECG, blood lab test (that I dread as I have an aversion towards blood. Had to turn my head away when the guy was drawing blood. Otherwise will feel queasy). Had to give another sample of urine when they spotted blood in the first sample. Anyway I spent the next half hour drinking a large cup of water and a packet of soya bean milk when they wanted the 2nd sample coz I had difficulty getting anything out. We were required to fast after 9 am. By the time the briefing ended at 2pm, I was starving and thirsty as I hadn't eaten nor drank since the night before. For the screening we are paid $50 for the inconvenience. For the study, I'll be staying at Raffles Hospital from 23 Oct noon-26Oct noon and 30 Oct noon-2 Nov noon. All this for $1375 and a follow up on my birthday for another 4 hours (or less).

I'll be missing 4 ballet classes but I'm doing the study to pay for my ballet classes. It's $51 for 3 classes per week and my pocket money is $50. Pa has refused to pay for any more ballet lessons and I need to get money fast as my current term is still unpaid. Want to take the Advanced I exam next Sep and I do need the extra classes. Today, Miss Ho started the choreography for a dance we are going to do at the open house on Dec 5. I think there might be a few other dances and I'm worried I can't catch the steps when I miss the Tue and Thu classes for 2 weeks. It's quite fun actually coz the music was really fast. We ended up throwing our arms around and Miss Ho told us to practise our steps well with proper arms before we come to class for the subsequent lessons.

Lately some concerned friends who haven't seen me for some time commented I look thinner, anorexic, weak etc. To allay their worries, I'm not dieting. Just that on most days I don't have much appetite to eat. I eat only after my stomach has growled which means I will eat my first meal around 3 pm. I do have snacks though but real food makes me nauseous sometimes after a few bites. I still have 1 or 2 meals a day so not to worry I do take stuff like fruits and fruit juices. I'm not anorexic just that I dance quite often so I might look kinda bony. Besides, for the clinical trial, I need to be at least 52kg for my 1.69m height. Which explained why I had to wear a few layers of clothes and eat a full meal before sleeping to hit the target for the screening. Which is what I will be doing when I go to the hospital again.

Healthwise, guess I'm worried about the pain I've after ballet classes in my right knee and ankle. Rainy and cold days I experience joint pain. When I'm typing on the keyboard my wrist and finger joints hurt but it's still manageable. Guess the symptoms of arthritis is showing up earlier than Ma's which was like in her 40s. The only fear I have is not being able to dance anymore.

Been wondering about the people around me especially when they face obstacles in love. Seems like we tend to dwell on our own pain and maybe that explains why it's difficult to be happy. Wouldn't it be better to alleviate the pain of others and make one less focused on his own as a result? Everyone has their own battles to fight daily and if we were to be more compassionate and understanding, the world would be more pleasant to live in.

On Pointe @)~~

2:14 AM