There is no finishing line to perfection <33

Monday, February 25, 2008

~Women's expectations~

According to the findings of a survey of 200 singles in Life! on Sunday yesterday, most women expect these of men:
1. to pay for their dates
2. to open the doors to cars and restaurants
3. to send their girlfriends home after a date
4. initiate celebrations of special occasions such as birthdays and anniversaries
5. meet them at least twice a week
6. dress up for special occasions
7. to carry their handbags

And get this, the writer of this article is a woman herself. From this article, she and some others were implying that Singaporean women are a pampered and spoiled lot. What they don't realise is that very often expectations and reality don't normally tally and part of the expectations that most women have are due to being fed diets of romantic novels and movies while they are growing up. Even seemingly innocuous fairy tales have notions of chivalry in the male lead characters and women having expectations such as these is not uncommon.

With regards to the 7 findings, I have my own personal opinions and explanations for having them and I do understand that different women have different expectations and preferences:

1. I would like my date to pay for the first date if he is interested in me.
Of course, I don't mind going dutch but I see this as what friends do. I would assume the guy would prefer to keep things on a "friend"ly manner if he chooses to say, "Let's go Dutch" on the first date. If he is seriously interested to take things beyond friendship, let's say I wouldn't be impressed with this move as I would think he is stingy. In fact, I will be wondering if he has any financial difficulty or something and why would he be dating given that it never does come cheap. Movies, dinners, gifts and all if a guy is not prepared to face these costs in a relationship, he is better off saving the money and hole up at home playing Playstation or Xbox games. Having said that, on subsequent dates, I do make offers to go dutch and I have treated boyfriends to meals or whatever nots so this does not make me a woman who lives off men. I find some men to be quite calculative. If I think nothing of blowing a large part of my allowance on you either on gifts or treats, this means I am serious about you. However, I'm aware not all men think as I do and even a little money spent on me would seem as if I have just siphoned their entire family fortune. That is certainly not cool at all.

2. I'm a little divided on this one.
It would be nice if the guy opens the car door for me when I'm all dressed up ie in formal wear. This will reflect better on him as a gentleman. Otherwise, I'm quite cool with opening the car door myself. About opening restaurant doors, I don't think it's essential unless the doors are like those of Cineleisure where I always have trouble pushing them. And yes, I hold doors open for people whether they are male or female so I don't really have any preference on this one. Whoever is ahead of the other can do the nice thing and hold the door open, whether they are male or female. But seriously, if you are going to a restaurant, people will tend to direct their eyes on who's coming through the doors more often than not and if you are a guy, it's always better to err on the gentlemanly side and save your face. :P

3. Once in a while would be great.
If it's on a first date and I really like the guy, I wouldn't mind him sending me home but if I don't like him, I wouldn't want him to know where I live for obvious reasons. If it's a boyfriend, it's a sweet thing he can do but seriously this is to be done on his own accord and will, not forced by the girlfriend. Then given some logistic issues such as if you have a girlfriend who stays in Boon Lay and the boyfriend stays on the other end of the island such as Pasir Ris, it makes sense that he is going to be tired out from sending her home if they meet up often especially if the bloke has no personal transport such as having a bike or car and he has to rely on our unreliable MRT and bus public transport system. Taking a cab is not considered a very good solution as it is rather cost ineffective. Anyway, the poor guy has to waste time travelling to and fro and all this time can be spent doing more productive stuff. Having sent boyfriends home before (ya I know how silly this seems) I know how exhausting it is to endure more than an hour of travelling on the stupid bus or train. Then I do have this ego problem of thinking I am old enough to look after myself (Maybe due to the overconfidence of safety in SG) and I can certainly go home myself after a date. Plus having a dad who looks at his daughter's dates with a scowl and that is if he's lucky or being greeted with expletives at the doorstep is not exactly what I want my boyfriend to face.

4. I'm for this!
The dragon lady does not like to appear to eager and she prefers to leave the planning to the guy while she does stuff like planning what gifts to get for him etc. However, she will drop hints and suggestions should she have some nice ideas in mind.

5. Ya, meeting two times a week is a BASIC pre requisite.
3 times is nice but 4 times or more may be a little too much. People do have lives outside of their relationships and they are independent beings with attachments (the bf or gf). It is not unusual for friends to suddenly "disappear" or become less available when they are attached. Like how bro puts it to his friends who say he spends too much time with his girlfriend, "I'm going to marry you is it or my girlfriend?" It can't be denied that friendships do have longer shelf lives than relationships these days but what friends can do is be understanding and be there should the relationship not work out (choy!). You can't expect an attached girl or guy to continue his or her partying lifestyle as a single which is pretty much common sense.
Why is 2 times a week basic some may ask? If I have tuition once a week, do you think I relish the idea of meeting my boyfriend the same number of times as my classmates and teacher? However, it can't be helped if you are at school or work 5 times a week and you see your classmates or coworkers and expecting to see your boyfriend or girlfriend at that frequency is a little overkill (unless you enjoy getting more quarrels due to a lack of conversational topics to discuss and find something to excite your relationship). Absence makes the heart grow fonder and familiarity does breed contempt. A boyfriend is someone whom you are close to and obviously you do need to spend time together physically not just talking on the phone or msn which is a substandard means of communication if you ask me. Most times people misunderstand the message being conveyed through these external mediums and quarrels may result. That said, I am not a fan or believer of long-distance relationships.

6. It will be great if that happens!
This is a personal preference as I enjoy dolling up and many times it's the guy who is underdressed and I don't blame him for doing so in this culture where most guys think bermudas and T-shirts are the dress code for almost every event. Ok, that's a gross exaggeration. But pray do tell me if you are dressed up to the nines and your boyfriend looks like a replica of a garbage bag beside you, do you think your boyfriend will feel comfortable? Many times, I had a boyfriend telling me that I am overdressed and I think this is infringing on my personal freedom to express my individualism. I don't mind what my boyfriend dresses in so long he doesn't look sloppy and he doesn't feel uncomfortable with eyes on him should there be any disparity in our dressing. Special occasions give you a reason to take an effort to dress up and this can also enhance the experience that the occasion is truly different and special. It may seem superficial but the dress does maketh the man. I am not going to deny that I drool over guys who dress well like Justin Timberlake and George Clooney. For both guys and girls, if you are not blessed in the looks department, all it takes is a little effort to look good for yourself and your partner by dressing well. And for women, I can never comprehend how some OL (office ladies) can go to work sans makeup. Horrors! Do yourself and others a favour by taking pride and respect in your own personal appearance. Even natural makeup would be great to enhance your features. It's total bullshit when people say looks don't matter. Come on. Either you are lying or you are not living on this planet.

7. It's gross!
I do have boyfriends who carry my heavy bags and I try to avoid them carrying my bags since I have a knack of carrying stuff which are furry, frilly, or sequinny. Feminine bags just look crap on guys no matter how good the bags look.

Well, I don't deny I do have some expectations of my boyfriend or potential dates and that is because I am able to go the extra mile in a relationship. I don't think it's wrong to have expectations since males also have expectations of their gfs or dates. Examples include expecting the gf to listen to the n-thed time they complain about their horrible day at work or school, giving them space and time to do their own thing, girls having to have long hair (so dur) etc. I can understand where these women are coming from despite all that talk of equality and yet having such contradicting expectations. First, men and women are not equal. If we are, tell me why we are paid less for doing the same amount of work that you guys do? Second, we are looking for the person who stands out from a crowd of mediocre men. Meeting the expectations are not a MUST but it's a bonus if the guy displays that gentlemanly side of him which tells us that he has a good and positive upbringing from his mother or father who teaches him how to treat a lady right. All too often, I have met men who do not seem to possess what I call good manners and we women will write him off as potential mates despite him being intelligent or witty or whatever not. Third, no matter how strong we may appear to be, there is that part of us that wish we are protected and cared for and it is the little things that guys do that touch our hearts. There are really strong women who don't give nuts about the little things though but they are the exception rather than the norm.

I believe it takes two hands to clap and men also have expectations of women. Local guys criticise that local women are too aggressive, too career minded and demanding, and I think if they can't handle the pressure or stress they can get their girlfriends and wives abroad which some men are doing. I don't think it's a bad thing and it's their own personal choice. If they are happy that's good. Some guys still think of us as the weaker sex and expect us to be demure, deferring to their needs and wants. And if you think about it, the above mentioned expectations are testament of us women perpetuating certain gender stereotypes to make men feel more important and better. It's kinda warped but true in a way. It may not be a bad thing to have expectations which help both the sexes exclude people who may not be potential mates and there is no reason a person should settle for anyone whom he doesn't feel is best for him.

On Pointe @)~~

3:44 AM