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Monday, November 03, 2008

~birthday + PMS = existentialism

I now have only 1 student officially after all my students have finished their last lessons. This is the 5/6 consecutive days I'm seeing him due to his failure in his year-end exams and we are preparing for his re-exams for tomorrow and Wed. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he will pass and get promoted to Sec 4. This girl, Z whom I'm rather close to sent me this sms on Teacher's Day. It may seem little but it means a lot to me: "Happy teacher's day! C: have a nice day! You're great teacher. Thanks for guiding me! C: enjoy your day! C:"

My 2 girls who always made me laugh gave me this on the last lesson on 29 Oct. V is good at drawing comics and L is the skinny pretty one. Ya they were teasing me for commenting that they don't read textbook in the comic strip. lol.

This other girl W freaked out on the day of the exam and smsed me minutes before the O level Science exam started. Tried to encourage her and it seemed she turned out alright after the exam. Seems like it's much easier to be my students' cheerleader than my own. It's a bonus if they appreciate what you are doing for them. But actually it's also for yourself. It's for those times when you were afraid and unsure of yourself and no one was there to tell you it's alright to make mistakes and it's ok to be scared. You are just hoping someone will believe in you even if the world doesn't. Even if you cannot turn back time, you can make someone happier and more sure of themselves.

It appears making other people smile is much easier than to make yourself happy. At least if you know the reason or things that will bring them joy, you can work towards that for them. But what if you don't know what will make you happy? Is it the tangibles like the $83 chiffon floral skirt you wanted so badly which came at a reduced price of $45, the dresses that will make you look gorgeous, having money that you can spend and not having to worry about debts or owning the electronic gadget which you never bore to buy before as you deem it too costly? Or is it the intangibles like being in a committed relationship, having dinner with your friends or family? What if the above mentioned are not what makes you truly happy and despite having so much, all that is felt inside is emptiness? Is it a matter of discontentment or something as cheesy as a lack in spiritual faith? Then again, there is this feeling of being taken for granted by people just coz you are expected to always deliver. I figured when there's zero expectations there's zero chance of feeling unhappy.

31 Oct. Halloween came and went. All the preparations and expectations were squashed by Zouk's incompetent management. Din take as many pics due to exhaustion. Good thing is the day ended perfectly well after heading to Attica and Shenton Way Party World. I guess spending time with friends even if it's doing the most mundane things together is still treasured time. ")
after getting out of the horrendous queue metres away from Zoukthe beautiful Tiger Beer bottle Andy is doing an ad for Heineken!These 3 girls are really cute.The mummy is wrapped up with toilet paper. I wonder how he is going to pee.going for the kill and she's enjoying it outside PartyWorld. Yes we were very out of placeAndy seems to enjoy playing with the stickEast meets West

2 Nov. Got my dream mobile phone which I've been lusting for even before its launch. Still haven't figured how to use it properly as I haven't finished reading my instruction manual. On the down side, I lost my glasses and now I'm as blind as a bat with my old glasses and without my contact lens. Need to spend money again. Have been spending in the hundreds lately for some purchases and I need to watch it carefully as these 2 months my income is really meagre.
Spent some days outside solo and the feeling is unbearable when you see couples and friends smiling and laughing. Perhaps it is envy and questioning why you feel all alone like a complete stranger in the sea of people? For now, can only turn to the blue bunny and Bean bear who will provide comfort under all the anxiety.

Random pics which I've never posted before

Amanda, Michele who were my ballet friends at YMCA (my working friends who are 30+) and I

Brown bunny (the anorexic one), his carrot (which costs more than he does) and his gf the Pink bunny (who is extremely violent and fat)Brown Bunny is wearing an obscene T-shirt which says No EntryAt the FHM Fetish Party 2008. The 2 behind us look really happyI love the brightness of this pic. Feels as if we were shone upon with the light of heaven or something.

On Pointe @)~~
6:06 PM